http://kevan.org/johari?name=suharti
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=suharti
pls click copy and paste if u feel like it.
thanks terima kasih xie xie arrigato gracias kam sia merci
i failed bsm and really got depressed about it. i feel stupid now for not working hard enough, for feeling bitter towards others when it was my fault to begin with. i really should stop - stop being paranoid, stop worrying, stop thinking. just STOP you know. but i can't. i detest myself for being such a perfectionist and i always think about the what ifs. URGH!!!!!! honestly, what do YOU think of me as a person? my character? my personality? am i really deserving to be me? deserving to have family and friends? deserving of this chance to pursue this course?
I FEEL ROTTEN TO THE CORE AS SUHARTI THE HUMAN AT THIS POINT OF TIME.
A lot of things have happened lately, both good and bad. Exams started about a two weeks ago and that was when my paternal grandpa passed away. Exam revision got totally screwed up but I couldn't complain. It was my fault that I didn't prepare earlier. And I can't possibly not attend my grandpa's wake. I had to even if I had a choice not to go.
The good thing about my grandpa passing away was that I finally saw the whole paternal side of the family. Interesting stuff. One, I found out that my dad's actually Cantonese and not Hokkien as what I had thought since ages ago. And my dad's the oldest in the family. My grandpa's a Taoist so the prayer sessions were super exciting (details later). His name is Huin Wye Hoong also known as Sugar. Can you believe it? My grandpa had such a cool name and I only found out at his funeral. It's sad that I wasn't able to get to know him better. It's no wonder people always say to treasure your loved ones when they're still around.
Anyway, I mentioned whole paternal side right, it's as big as my maternal side so I have many uncles, aunts, cousins and big surprise! I'm an aunt to not one, not two, not even three but many nieces and nephews and soon-to-be-born babies. Crazy stuff seriously. Worst still, I see them but great, I can't remember their names. But luckily, I managed to find out their names discretely. The obituary in the papers also helped a little bit. Hah!
My sis and I were in charge of the finances during the wake so we were really busy. Hard to squeeze in studying time you know and by the time I get home, I'm dead beat. So I think I might have screwed up my papers somehow especially beh sci. It didn't help that after the physio paper I was already in the yay-exams-are-over mood.
The purpose of me blogging is actually to describe this experience. The wake really is an eye-opener for the whole family actually. Remember my grandpa's a Taoist? The prayer sessions are so totally different I think from that of a Buddhist. Prayer sessions happen twice at night and they usually end quite fast. The most interesting part has got to be the last day prayer session when the priests had to do a lot of praying of some sort, then the family had to go round a fire thing and the finale was when the main priest had to jump over a fire that became a huge fireball after that. It happened many times and I was super amazed. There was the bridge crossing part which I thought was interesting too and then the burning of the incense and paper stuff.
Besides the prayer thing, on the second day of the wake...OMG! Gang members turned up at the wake. Close to a hundred of them. Seriously scary because my sis and I were sitting just beside one of their tables and it's pretty clear that we're the money people. The family was quite shaken up too by their appearance. They ate a lot, smoked a lot and made a lot of noise too but somehow their presence made the wake seem livelier. After they left, it seemed quiet. It was funny to see them all crowded in front of the prayer table to pay their respects. Can you imagine a mass of gang members gathering to pay respects? Got drama too! Managed to witness the 'big brother' sending one yuppie out for talking during the praying respects thing. That was when I noticed this guy cos he's quite good looking I must add. Too bad though cos he's probably too young and he's a gang member and he smokes.
I missed the cremation cos of exams. Sad? Definitely.
Throughout the funeral, it's pretty obvious that my dad was seriously affected even though he didn't show it. I can't help but sympathetic for my dad and in a way, I think my siblings and I are closer to him now more than ever. I'm finally talking to my sis again after a 2 months long cold war. Situation with my mom is getting better too.
So now, exams are over. Ok, except for BSM prac on mon. I feel so relieved and happy at the same time. Yay! Looking forward to JB, then Sentosa and hopefully Batam. Jac do you hear me? I can go!!! More time now to meet up with Stella, Nic and Soph, Jess...do stuff with the rest, and finally start training. POL-ITE and IVP fixtures are out and I really must say that our luck is really one of the best with the inverted commas. Major sian. But friends! Please come support NYP for POL-ITE. We're playing at ITE Simei thanks. Lol (:
I miss NYP netballers. Lalalalala can't wait to see all of you. Start planning for camp. Start training to be champs!
And there's angel mortal stuff to look forward to. And going for the paralympics thing at UWC. And clinicals to look forward/dread. Can you tell that I have alot of things to say tonight?
Ok. I'm off to watch equestrian.
Signing off with probably the longest entry to date,
Su
Felt like blogging for no apparent reason. Physiology sucks!
It's becoming a ritual really. Instead of staying home to study physio, I went out with the classmates to watch NDP. Totally no regrets cos this year's National Day celebration was a blast. Great company despite the crowd and I've never ever felt so patriotic in my life singing the medley songs and the national anthem with everyone else towards the end. We should do this again! Pictures to justify!
There was this cute boy who was sitting with us. I had fun playing with him. The others said I was bullying him, like where got lor. He had fun too.
The usual fly-pass.
This never fails to amaze me.
Apparently, this was one of the major highlights. I didn't know there would be a heart formation And I managed to get great shots of the formation.
FIREWORKS! Many nice shots hence the compilation. Thanks Picasa! No more Photoshop for me.
So yeah, after the euphoria it's back to studying. Not making much effort but I'm finishing soon at least. I can't wait for the exams to be over cos I've been dreaming of plans already. HAHAHA!
1. A trip to Seoul Garden again
2. A picnic by the beach to de stress and sun-tan (*hint* Vera Chan)
3. Maybe a trip to Msia
4. Start on crafts project with YY
5. Volunteer!
6. Go exercise
It's becoming a ritual really. Instead of staying home to study physio, I went out with the classmates to watch NDP. Totally no regrets cos this year's National Day celebration was a blast. Great company despite the crowd and I've never ever felt so patriotic in my life singing the medley songs and the national anthem with everyone else towards the end. We should do this again! Pictures to justify!
There was this cute boy who was sitting with us. I had fun playing with him. The others said I was bullying him, like where got lor. He had fun too.
The usual fly-pass.
This never fails to amaze me.
Apparently, this was one of the major highlights. I didn't know there would be a heart formation And I managed to get great shots of the formation.
FIREWORKS! Many nice shots hence the compilation. Thanks Picasa! No more Photoshop for me.
So yeah, after the euphoria it's back to studying. Not making much effort but I'm finishing soon at least. I can't wait for the exams to be over cos I've been dreaming of plans already. HAHAHA!
1. A trip to Seoul Garden again
2. A picnic by the beach to de stress and sun-tan (*hint* Vera Chan)
3. Maybe a trip to Msia
4. Start on crafts project with YY
5. Volunteer!
6. Go exercise
Fall For You - Secondhand Serenade
The best thing about tonight’s that we’re not fighting
It couldn’t be that we have been this way before
I know you don’t think that I am trying
I know you’re wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
I won’t live to see another day
I swear its true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You’re impossible to find
This is not what I intended
I always swore to you that I would never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Oh, But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It’s impossible to find
So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I’m yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you’re asleep
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You’re impossible to find
Emo song but I like. Seriously, it's a good song to play on repeat for tonight. It's raining, and it's eight hours since the prac test nightmare. Trying to stay optimistic but it's not working.
bhg reawdhbf!
just great...i fought with my mom again.
Somebody please kill me because I am totally disgusted with myself.
My memory is so bad to the extent that I've totally and completely forgotten about my dad's birthday which is today. I didn't even join him for dinner like 4hours ago! This is the second time it has happened. The first was my bro's. Horrible isn't it?!
My memory is so bad to the extent that I've totally and completely forgotten about my dad's birthday which is today. I didn't even join him for dinner like 4hours ago! This is the second time it has happened. The first was my bro's. Horrible isn't it?!