I feel rotten. My own presentation is obviously screwed. I had myself to blame for not rehearsing enough at home, and preparing my script in advance. I think I screwed the group up. After the presentation, there was a sense of relieve that it's finally over but after a few seconds it began to sunk in that great presentation is screwed. It doesn't help that the group after has had a more convincing, more interesting, and more organized presentation. When Gui said that Ben did not look impressed at all, seriously my hopes really went down to the negatives. In that instant, I felt like running away, quitting school, just giving up. But what good does it do if I choose to escape? It won't make matters any better.
It just proves to point that I'm screwed in this course because I failed to plan and carry out what I've planned to do. What is wrong with me? Time and time again I always stumble, then blame myself after which I vow to do something about it. And the consequence is still the same. I can't get out of this vicious cycle. Is it because I don't put in enough effort? Or its just pure laziness to procrastinate till the last minute. I think I'm stupid. Seriously I think I do.
Priorities priorities. What the hell am I doing with my life?
I want to blame the group but I can't. Our working styles just don't match.
All I ever wanted was love. Maybe some understanding. Yet time and time again, the people closest to me, the people whom I have to trust just don't meet up to my expectations. Yeah say whatever negative things you want about me but for once, can't you all just shut up? I was supposed to feel happy but great, 5 minutes later my mood just changed. I even wanted to run away from you people. I really don't mind not talking to you all. I don't see a point to anyway because we always fail to see eye to eye. Honestly I can't wait to turn 21. I just can't wait to be free from everything. My life's miserable.
I'm glad I have friends I can rely on but sadly, there's this part of me that refuses to depend on anybody.
I'm scared of betrayal.
I'm just scared of trusting.